NUMB

I feel sad. I am sacrificing a lot for nothing. I feel failure, in everything. I keep on picking myself up, each day, everyday. I am trying hard to be normal.  Pretend to be normal, Project to be normal. Sometimes I feel  I have accepted it but more often gloomy. I wake up, glad to be still breathing and do what I am suppose to do for each day but deep inside I feel empty. I dont have a life. Im sad, very very sad. I am screaming with frustrations and disappointments.I feel helpless and I feel defeat, then numbness

I sold my soul. I made a terrible mistake. And I am paying for that one wrong decision. It was a choice, not a destiny. A wrong move, carefully thought about but I was overwhelmed. I never foresee all of these. It was all because of a dream. A dream for a better life. yeah, better life, but look what Ive got. A never ending feeling of being in a tunnel of nowhere and darkness. Enduring all the consequences of that decision now. And for not having the courage to leave from  where I am right now is a second big mistake. I dont know how. Stagnant. 

But I do not know too what would have been like if in case I am not where I am today. I didnt bother to think about that . Should I have been wiser before ? Maybe I am in a better stand ? But who knows.